Caregiver Confessions: Part 1
I recently began to ask caregivers more about their experiences. I wanted to know exactly what connected all caregivers and what was different about their unique situations. I started by asking 4 questions. I started the process very informally one day, just out of intrigue really. No notes or recorders, just a listening ear.
However, those simple questions seemed to open up the door to a place inside of them, that even they had never even explored themselves. Many described the interview as therapeutic even. Every time I would leave each caregiver inspired, full of respect and compassion, and in awe of the goodness of God. These people were giving so much of themselves, oftentimes with so little support. However, God was still sustaining them.
I don’t know about you, but whenever I’m going through anything in life, I like to find other people who are going through the same thing. However, I’m an introvert, a voyeur of sorts. I’m a people watcher and I like to observe others and learn from them. Over my last three pregnancies, I must have read, watched, and listen to thousands of stories about pregnancy, birth, and motherhood. I drew strength and comfort from other people’s stories, oftentimes from the comfort of my own bed. #winning!
So, I wanted to start sharing some of these caregiver stories with you, and perhaps you can draw some strength and comfort from them, because It’s not always easy to find people going through the same situation as you, who are willing to share their experiences freely.
I interviewed caregivers in different stages, with different living situations, that are managing different diseases. Some caregivers are brand new at it and still learning, others have been caring for their loved ones for years, and some have “graduated,” and their loved ones are at peace now.
I asked each caregiver 4 questions:
- What is/was the most physically challenging part of being a caregiver?
- What is/was the most mentally challenging part of being a caregiver?
- What is/was the most spiritually challenging part of being a caregiver?
- What is/was the most rewarding part of being a caregiver?
Here are the answers of 3 caregivers I interviewed.
What is/was the most physically challenging part of being a caregiver?
The most challenging thing physically is trying to coordinate our schedules (i.e. mine and sister’s) with my father’s appointment (i.e. doctors, cardiologist) and determining who is going to transport since the office is further out. Also trying to manage his health (i.e. decrease smoking, how he eats and physical activity) in addition to my health.
What is/was the most mentally challenging part of being a caregiver?
The most challenging thing mentally is not getting frustrated when my father may ask the same question or repeat the same information in a conversation; knowing that he can’t help it. One thing that we have put in place is a lot of memory aids. Being an OT, there is a lot of research supporting memory aids such as a note pad and use of calendars to help with short term memory loss. Another mentally challenging thing is not getting frustrated when my father says hurtful things and when confronted about it, he is unable to remember or denies saying those things.
What is/was the most spiritually challenging part of being a caregiver?
The most challenging thing spiritually is relying on my faith despite what research or the doctors may say about dementia (i.e that it progresses, those individuals wander, become combative). I am thankful that the dementia has not progressed as other cases, that my father knows who I am, he still able to live in his home and engage in those activities that are important to him (i.e. fishing). To this day I pray to God that he slows the progression of my father’s dementia and that he continues to provide me and my sister the necessary means to care for him. Another spiritually challenging thing is continuing to honor my mother and father as the bible states in everything that I do despite comments made. I know my father means well. Third is encouraging him when he makes comments about his memory loss such as, “there I go again. My stupid self can’t remember anything.” or “my memory is screwed up.” Even in moments like that I still speak life to my father. I love my dad so much and would not have it any other way.
What is/was the most rewarding part of being a caregiver?
The most rewarding thing about being a caregiver along with my big sis (because it is a TEAM EFFORT) is my father being able to engage in activities that he enjoys, waking up and still hearing his voice or getting ten calls from him (Lol), cracking jokes with him and that he still recognizes all of his close family. Another really rewarding thing for me honestly is that my dad still knows the God that he serves. Our Heavenly Father. His relationship with God has grown, he has become softer in his approach with me, my sister and his grandchildren. I’m grateful, just really grateful.
Brittney
What is/was the most physically challenging part of being a caregiver?
Trying to be there physically when a parent lives clear across the country, and still balance your life as a single parent with a full-time job, trying to provide for your family, as the head of your household.
What is/was the most mentally challenging part of being a caregiver?
To see them like this while being there for them an still be able to keep up this strong front for them.
What is/was the most spiritually challenging part of being a caregiver?
To let them go, and know that God has a better place for them and trust Him completely.
What is/was the most rewarding part of being a caregiver?
Knowing that you were there and that you did everything that you physically possibly could, and having absolutely no regrets!
Katherine
What is/was the most physically challenging part of being a caregiver?
Personal sacrifice is a necessary part of quality caregiving. Even while embracing this reality, it was still a challenge acknowledging that a caregiver’s tendency to compromise attention to his/her own general health and need for respite would ultimately impact their energy level and ability to focus and make the best decisions.
What is/was the most mentally challenging part of being a caregiver?
My loved one was absolutely deserving of the best care and attention possible. It was, however, mentally taxing navigating through the process of serving as an advocate and finding critical resources for the varying stages of her illness.
What is/was the most spiritually challenging part of being a caregiver?
Near the end, it was a challenge to not question my own faith, as I sought an understanding of how a genuinely kind, strong, selfless woman of deep faith should have to experience the pain and discomfort she endured. Reading scripture and speaking with my loved one helped my understanding and shared acceptance.
What is/was the most rewarding part of being a caregiver?
Being blessed with the opportunity to share precious time with my best friend. On the front end of caregiving, we enjoyed years of shopping, sharing lunch dates, and recreational outings, and near the end, contributing to her comfort, safety, and happy moments. I gained strength from her words of wisdom and her modeling an unwavering faith in God’s love, despite her circumstances. Establishing and strengthening bonds with others who loved and cared about her was also a great reward. Among the greatest rewards was recurring evidence of the power of prayer and the affirmation that when God chooses you for an assignment, He will absolutely equip you to carry it out in accordance with His will.
Anonymous
I hope you enjoyed these caregiver stories. If you did, please let me know in the comments. If you would like to share your caregiver stories, I would love to hear them. Email your stories to stephanie@caregivinggracefully.com. Remember to pin this post so you don’t lose it.
For more caregiver tips, support, and stories, consider subscribing here.
Be Blessed,
Stephanie
